“Nobody Wants to be Lonely”

…Sometimes I feel alone.

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and then I turn into this guy.

This may come as a surprise to some of you, who know I’m constantly around people.  But, there are days when I feel terribly lonesome and think no one “gets me”.  I’m not trying to have a pity party or anything, I just woke up this morning like “Dang… I’m lonely”

Besides that, I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.  9/10 times I speak with anyone my age… there is always a sense of lowliness.  Why is that?!The Church is called to love one another. The church is called to share each other’s burdens. The Church is called to bring people to Jesus so He can fill that void we all have.  The Church is called to have compassion and grace!  One would think that with all these callings, not one member of His body would be singing Mr. Lonely… yet most of us are?!

I won’t even get started on how the internet has ruined the millennials, physically, emotional, socially, spiritually…you name it! Or how my girlfriends and I will probably die spinsters/old maids due to the lack of suitable men in the population BUT I think there are a few problems which which may be the cause but are feasibly fixable to help with our lonely hearts.   Aaaaand…here they are! You know how I love lists!

 

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“This is why I’m an old maid.” said Imani on her 99th birhday.

1))  You, my friend, may be a leech.

I have a bit of a P.P. ((Personal Problem)) I’ve struggled with for years.  I’ve surrounded myself with very nice, but also very self centered people who use me to comfort them at their beckon call.  I’ve coined this type of person a Leech because leeches suck, both literally and figuratively.  These particular “friends” literally suck the life out of me. While this is my own problem, I think this is a worldwide, Churchwide issue, as well.  We have consistently made life… especially in the Church about us:
I need prayer, I need money, I need support, I need better sermons, I need more worship, I need more videos, I need more lights… I need, I need, I need.  But what happens when you’re always the one recieving and never the one giving?! LEECH OUTBREAK.

How-Properly-React-Most-Things
LEECHES LEECHES, THEY DON’T CARE! LEECH LEECHES EVERWHERE! …EWW!

 

Now, some of you reading this may actually be a leech.  Not necessarily MINE but a leech nonetheless.  Let me help you out for a minute:
When you’re not or never willing to be a giver instead of the receiver…
you my friend, may be a leech.  This goes for advice, gifts, encouragement.  Whatever.  If you are constantly on the receiving end…please check this off your leech list.
This is a problem.  When you’re not willing to give, there is someone out there who actually needs to receive who is sad, LONELY  and thinking no one is there for them because you’re over there running your mouth about how you stepped on a pebble, it’s the worst thing that could have ever happened to you in that hour and your life sucks.  On the other token, what about the person who you’re constantly pouring out your heart to?  When did you ask THEM how they were doing? Yesterday? Last week? Last month? Last year? Never? If the answer that question is more than 30 days and you’ve complained/poured out to them more than 10 times in that time period…
you, my friend, MAY BE A LEECH! 

I’m not trying to diminish your feelings or say you’re not valid in being upset at your pebble situation! I love you, Leeches!! But, sometimes… we all need to take a step back from ourselves and look around at other people.  This helps in gaining perspective about your pebbles and also may make you GRATEFUL  for your pebble being the  only thing bothering you currently. You are fully capable to feel your feels and also not make everything about you.

Side Bar Rant:
Before I move on to my next point, let me just say this.  As a person who is consistently getting the life sucked out of her… I would like to encourage you to please be mindful of other leech-victims such as your pastors, elders, friends, family… the-old-lady-who-is-forced-to-sit-next-to-you-on-the-subway-and-can’t-get-away-from-you-even-if-they-tried, etc. These persons are NOT super people.  They have problems just like you and me and said problems are often overlooked because you know, “they has it all together… AM I RIGHT?!”
No, no you’re not.  Go sit down.
Holding a burden such as a church, family, or occupation is a HUGE THANG.  Take a minute to ask how THEY’RE doing for once.  You’d be surprised the answers you’ll hear the and gratitude you’ll receive.
K, next thing.

2)) Check yourself before you wreck yourself…or nah?

Sometimes… I feel like… you make yourself lonely and have a pity party about it. WOOPS. Am I telling you about yourself?!  Honestly, this is my biggest issue and as my dermatologist says to me after every sentence “I’M NOT TRYING TO GIVE YA A HARD TIME…I’M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW!” I love her.
Here’s what I’m getting at… are you SURE you don’t have anyone… or are you just keeping at a distance cuz you’re afraid to get hurt, backing yourself into a corner and staying comfortable and…alone?

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Cue the pity party tears.

 

I do this and most Leech-victims do this, too. I get it.  It’s hard to put yourself out there because people can make it about themselves or be “people-like” and let you down.  STOP THOUGH!  That doesn’t mean there aren’t others who are willing to be there for you.  You’re ruining your own joy by not letting your real friends be there for you. Furthermore, I hate to break it to you and “I’M NOT TRYING TO GIVE YA A HARD TIME…I’M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW!” there’s this eensy, weensy, teensy, little, life ruiner called PRIDE all intertwined in that!  Pride is the root of all sin and pride will get you every time.  So rather than humbling ones self and letting someone be there for you, you first start off sad because you’re lonely ((this is fair)).  But that sadness can turn into self pity, which can turn into bitterness, which can turn into entitlement which will lead you to some VERY BAD ROADS!

Pride sucks.

Check yourself and take down some of those walls before those walls cave in and wreck your life.  Yes, it’s scary.  Yes, you may get hurt again.  But my next point will help with that and so you can let it go.  It’s AMAZING when you find that person who you can be there for and who can be there for you.

3)) Got Jesus?

At the end of the day, whether you have a physical person there or not…you always have The Father/Jesus/the Holy Spirit there for comfort, compassion and love.  He is the most important fact of the entire equation.  #justsayin.

Last night, I was a little bit of a mess. “I’M NOT TRYING TO GIVE YA A HARD TIME…I’M JUST LETTING YOU KNOW!” My favorite uncle passed away about a month ago and his services were this weekend and it didn’t REALLY hit me that he was gone until I got to the funeral and realized…he wasn’t there.  This is first funeral I’ve been to since I started feeling my feelings and it also reminded me of my grandmother’s passing which I wasn’t ready to hash out then and there.  Needless to say…I couldn’t deal.

So, I got home and I was ready to sleep and I got a leech or two of a text message and I LOST IT.   I was reminded of the past few weeks being chaos for me and I couldn’t even get 5 minutes to reflect on my uncle and then sleep?! I had a pity party tantrum.  It happens.  But, once my pity party tantrum was over, the Lord showed up. He’s always there… but often times I forget.  In this moment, He gently reminded me that I’d “forgotten” about Him for the past few weeks.  I hadn’t been spending much or any time with Him.  I was more concerned about myself and my issues than going to the only Person who could solve them…  He just wanted to hang like we normally do.  And that’s when I thought of writing this Monzi.

Duh
DUH!?

God is always there for us.  When we either don’t have a relationship with Him or aren’t doing the upkeep of maintaining a relationship with Him, we find ourselves in the loneliest of lonelies instead of the holiest of holies.  Don’t get me wrong… you can have the greatest relationship with God and still have a lonely feeling ((look at some of David’s psalms for goodness sake!)) However, He is so gracious in the comfort that He provides in those lonely times.
Jesus knows what it’s like to be “the only one who *fill in the blank*”.
Jesus knows what it is to be misunderstood.
He knows depression.
He knows fear.
He knows about being the only one who is joyous or being the only one who’s sad.
And in this case… He knows what it’s like to be alone.  Can you imagine being God, wrapped in human flesh sent to die for the sins of the world?! What an easy job, right?! *blinks*  Please…
No one on Earth shared His burden and He is and will always be THE ONLY one who has been in those shoes.  I can just picture how lonely He felt in His humanness when the disciples just…didn’t get it!   He’s been there, bro.  And because He’s walked the walk and talked the talk and been in the sandbox with us… He should be the first one we all go to in our lonely times.  He will give the love, grace, perspective and comfort we all need to carry on.  He can’t help Himself!

His love is the MOST!

And that’s Who He was for me for me last night…THE MOST.  Even in my crazy and lack of acknowledgement for Him, He still loved me enough to draw me back to Himself, give me the shoulder to cry on and the the rest I needed.  He’s provided Himself for me and has even provided people for me to lean on in the moments when He wants to show His love through others.  Oh, and this brings me to one other little side note…

Side Bar Rant 2.0
God loves using people.  This is  another reason to not be a leech and to check yourself, too!  God uses others, wait, God uses HIS CHURCH to display His love.  When you don’t allow others to be there for you or you’re never there for others– you’re not only robbing other people, but you’re robbing yourself out of the blessing of being used by Holy Spirit!  Ugh… it’s crazy how it all works?!
K, moving on…

It’s okay to feel lonely.  Sometimes it’s justified.  But know Jesus has been there and is willing to be there for you if you let him.  Also, be aware that other people feel just as alone as you do.  Maybe it’s your job to step out of your loneliness and be there or to stop being there and let someone else be there for you.

In Conclusion:

  1. You’re never alone when you have Jesus.  If you don’t got Him… get Him! He’s waiting!
  2. Snitches get stitches, but leeches… get… speeches?
    Don’t be a leech! #themoreyouknow
  3. Let others be there for you… especially Jesus.
  4. God is so so so so so good!
  5. I should have had my fill of lists by now…oh well

Until next time,

‘Do not fear [anything], for I am with you;
Do not be afraid, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, be assured I will help you;
I will certainly take hold of you with My righteous right hand
[a hand of justice, of power, of victory, of salvation].
~Isaiah 41:10 (AMP)

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…sometimes it’s better for me to just be by myself.

 

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